When Angelo battled with suicidal thoughts in 2016, God’s love gave him hope in the midst of the chaos and silenced all his blaring thoughts. Here is his story.
Everything started when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer in the third quarter of 2016. My brother was suffering from depression then, and my sister was reviewing for her board exam. Not wanting to add further burden to my siblings, my mother and I decided to keep my father’s condition between me and her.
Unknown to my family, I was also dealing with so many things at work and in my personal life at that time. A lot of painful and difficult things happened in my workplace; it came to a point where I didn’t even want to go to work anymore. Problems kept piling up; it felt as if everything in my life was in utter confusion and chaos.
That’s when suicidal thoughts started plaguing me on repeat. I could not think straight anymore and negative thoughts started to consume me. But I still refused to open up to anyone. I bottled up everything inside me.
On April 8, 2018, God knocked some sense into me. Instead of allowing myself to be alone with those thoughts, I went out of the house and told myself that I should take a stroll somewhere to shake them off. But as I was about to withdraw the last money I had left in my account, my ATM card was captured by the machine. Left with not much option, I decided to just head home again. I took a longer route and eventually passed by an old mall. At the back of it is a terminal of a bus company heading north—and its name suddenly reminded me of my sister who’s attending in Victory Caloocan.
I immediately messaged my sister and attended a worship service with her. My heart was really heavy then; I cried and wept throughout the service. I knew it was God talking to me that day. He was telling me to find what’s good and beautiful in the midst of all the chaos and noise.
After that, I surrendered everything to Him. I lifted up my hands and cried out to God. I sang away every dark thought and allowed Him to replace the unpleasant thoughts with the beauty of His grace.
And I never looked back after that.
Now, I am part of a Victory group and continuously growing in faith. There are times when I still make mistakes, but God always proves to me that He is faithful; He never gets tired of bringing me back to Him. He is the best gift I ever had, and I will be forever thankful to Him for saving me and giving me a new beginning.
Life is precious, and my life is so valuable to Him. I am deeply loved and valued by a great God.
Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you… Isaiah 43:4
We are all loved and valued by God. We are all precious in His eyes. Any dark or negative thought cannot take away the great love that He has for us.
God is good all the time. Have faith and hold on to HIM.